Hedgehog's Dilemma
by fdw
Summary: Ranma thinks about his relationship with Akane. Possible companion piece to "A Moment of Darkness".


{Alas, I neither own these characters nor make money from this fic. This is as it should be. *Constructive* criticism welcomed!! And yes, the title was inspired by _Neon Genesis Evangelion_.} 

**…Hedgehog's Dilemma…**

I always knew I wanted to protect her, any way I could. But I never imagined that I had the power to hurt her myself. How was it possible? That in trying to keep Akane from pain I was actually causing it?  
She must care.  
I'm not hopeful enough to believe this, and yet- what else could it be? She must, somehow, care what I think of her.  
And if she actually believes what comes out of my mouth, well- That's it.  
To think, all this time I never thought she'd give me a chance, so I didn't even try. And when, despite myself, I fell in love with her, maybe... Maybe it was the same for her. Without my asking, maybe she HAD given me a chance.  
Well, she certainly fought the engagement as loud as she could. But then, so did I. Or could it be? That we were both fighting something else that was already there.  
Engaged at 16? Ha!  
But then to feel for her... to prove them all right. Too stubborn for that. Yeah, gotta love that old Saotome fighting spirit. 

Okay. So...  
Assume for a moment that you're right. Akane does care. Now. Replay what you just said. She believes you mean it. 

Shit. She's going to hate me. Or worse yet- she'll think I hate _her_. I _am_ a baka. 

***  
When she woke up in my arms at Jusendo, I couldn't believe my good fortune. I wanted nothing more than to pull her to me and show her in a kiss (or two) what I could never seem to say, and how happy I was that she was okay. But I was sure she would have freaked out. And not because I was half-girl; she only used my curse to tease me. Fighting the need to have her, I cried. I would not tread where I was not wanted.   
Akane would have sacrificed herself for me. (Actually, she almost _did_. I shuddered.) How many others would she have done that for? At the time, I thought many. Despite what I said, I could see her kindness, her vulnerability. Sure she had her share of rivals, but she would never want anyone to die. Not after her mother. 

When she confronted me afterwards, I panicked. Set up by our parents AGAIN? Yes, I was stunned by her beauty when I barged into her room. But let me tell you, it had nothing to do with her dress. There was a look in her eyes... compassion. And that soft, genuine smile was almost more than I could bear. Was it possible that expression was for me? I saw it twinge with smugness when she claimed I loved her.  
No WAY was I going to give her the upper hand. It was all I had left. 

So I love her, so what? SHE didn't need to know that. A girl can hurt you with that kind of information. 

Now before you think I'm a horrible person for lying to her, just remember: I panicked. 

***  
I knew she used P-Chan to annoy me. To make me jealous. I could tell. There was always such a show when I was around. I saw that her joy was often insincere.   
Still.   
There was that time with that guy in that magical forest. Huh. Shinnosuke. As IF I could forget that name. She was trying to let me down easy, being nice. (But she hadn't stayed with him...) 

"ARGH!" I screamed in frustration. Now I was just confused. Sh-should I go... t-talk to her? Lay it on the line? Heck, I didn't even know if she'd believe me.   
My brain was tossing and turning at this point, and I fell asleep on the roof above her room. 

***  
The dream was always the same. The one I always had when I've been thinking about her.  
All our past moments revisited, where I'd do something right or she'd just understand without my having to explain. We'd share a tender scene at the end before I woke up- usually because of a panda, and feeling foolish. She would never think of me that way; I was just another Ryoga to her. 

But the dream played on. 

I reached my hand out to touch Akane's cheek and she was gone. Her voice whispered out over the night, "I love you, Ranma."  
My heart lurched. _This_ was new. 

Suddenly she was before me, shielded by a glass wall. She couldn't see me.  
She talked to herself. "I went to China for you... W-why didn't you save me?"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU STUPID TOMBOY?"

Horror dawned when my throat made no noise. The wind washed away the unspoken words.  
A dark hole appeared in the middle of her shirt and I still couldn't reach her.  
"Akane!" I cried voicelessly.  
Blood was seeping out, covering the wall that she was now leaning against.

"B-ba... ka." She was sobbing now with pain. 

***  
I jerked awake, gasping with fear and drenched in sweat. 

I didn't know what yet, but something had to be done. 

***  
To be continued. Muwahahah..  
*** 


End file.
